J and I have recently introduced DD into our marriage after I spent a lonely week reading blogs and other websites about how it can improve relationships. Not that ours was bad; we don't fight or argue, we agree about most things, on the surface it seemed that everything was fine. However, we're both very nonconfrontational people, so instead of fighting about things that bothered us, we withdrew to our corners and sulked. I had a nasty habit, carried over from a previous relationship, of being too lazy for intimacy; of withholding sex just because 'I don't feel like it right now'. In that previous relationship, this was just about the only power I had, and I used it unfairly with J. He tried to be patient and understanding and not press the issue, but he was (naturally) getting frustrated and resentful, so he withdrew into his online gaming and spent hours on the computer. In turn, I felt neglected, so I pulled back even farther.
Well, this went on for awhile, until J went away for a week to visit his family. I was desperately lonely while he was gone, and we texted up a storm. The texts soon got racy, and the subject of erotic spanking came up. This got me Googling like mad, and soon I found myself landing on a few DD/HoH sites. I read a few out of curiousity, but soon the posts I was reading struck home, and I began to wonder if this could work for us. This sense of connection that people reported, the sense of being cherished and protected, and of having a clear picture of your role in the world, all were deeply attractive to me. I sent him some links, and we had some of the best conversations of our relationship via text.
When J got home, we had another long conversation and agreed that we would begin incorporating DD into our lives. I asked him to tell me about ways that I had let him down, and to my surprise (you mean I'm not a perfect wife?) he had several things: making him pay for mistakes in my previous relationships, denying him intimacy on a whim, being lazy and procrastinating about basic housework, letting myself go physically. This last doesn't mean that I don't live up to some Barbie doll standard of perfection, but it is hard for a man to appreciate a woman if she lives in ratty, paint covered shorts and stained T shirts, and shaves her legs about once a quarter! We set up some boundaries for me going forward: I am available for sex unless there is a real reason; I do keep up the housework and laundry to a minimum standard; I do take care of myself by taking my medication properly, maintaining my grooming, and tossing all the junky old clothes and wearing things that are clean and neat. We're not focusing on a laundry list of chores or rules, but rather large scale attitude issues - I like the phrasing I've seen others use: disrespect, disobedience, dishonesty, dangerous (behavior).
That day I got my first spanking as a way to clear the decks of all these past issues. It hurt; halfway through I was thinking 'Whose stupid idea was this anyway?'. But afterward he held me and kissed me, and I felt so safe and protected.
And that's how it's gone. I feel that a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders. I know what's expected of me, and I can relax and do it. When I slip up, I get my spanking, and everything is over. I'm working on developing a truly submissive mindset, but that's coming a little harder. J is working on developing a more dominant personality, which is also tough for him...but he's making great progress!
I'm anxious to see how this will work once we're out of the honeymoon period. So far we haven't had a major disagreement about anything, so it's been easy to submit and let J be HoH. I don't know how I'll react when there's a real conflict, but I'm hoping that my belief in our new lifestyle will carry me through.
A note about my background: it's cold, wintry; some might say bleak and desolate. I have always loved winter weather, winter landscapes; to me they mean cozy days nesting in the house and nights spent snuggling warm in bed like little bears in a den. That's what the DD lifestyle is to me: it might seem odd or even abusive to others, but to me it's safe and warm and right where I want to be.
