I Want You to be in Charge, But...

As J and I began exploring DD, I read a lot of blogs and websites, and still do.  Two things jump out at me:

1.  It is overwhelmingly women who ask for DD; they want their men to be in authority over them
2.  These same women have very strong opinions on exactly *how* they want this to happen

I have to laugh at myself and my submissive sisters.  I desperately crave J to be a strong, dominant leader in our home.  I'm willing to try any expressions of his leadership and my submission that he wants to experiment with, with the understanding that we're both learning what works for us.  I read many blogs where women say, "I love the changes I see in my HoH; I wish I could make him understand that I'd love it if he were even more in control."  But we're missing a very important factor in DD: to be truly submissive and respectful of our man's authority, we have to accept and respect the way in which he implements it.  We don't get to choose how much/how little he controls us, or the ways in which he exercises that control.   We provide our feedback, but ultimately the decision is his, and if we truly believe in practicing DD, we accept his decision willingly.

Sooooo...we want our men to be strong, dominant leaders...but we want to tell them how to do it!

J is by nature a much more laid back person than I am.  He's the youngest child in a family of big personalities, so he learned to just go with the flow.  When we met, I had been a single parent for 5 years, and had been the only real 'adult' in my 14 year marriage prior to that - so I had a lot of experience running the show.  His normal easygoing ways became even more so in the face of my take-charge attitude.  Eventually we both became near classic examples of the shrewish, domineering wife and the timid husband, and we hated it.  We've been implementing DD for almost 2  months now and are both so much happier.  But my natural bossy nature can't help thinking 'He should read this article...follow this routine...do this...don't do that...'  Part of my struggle with submission is accepting J's interpretation of his role and focusing on my behavior and attitude, not his.

The other thing I have to remember is that I'm asking a lot of him.  Those of you who are parents know the emotional energy it takes to be responsible for another person, to guide and develop their thoughts and behavior and to determine when punishment is warranted.  Yes, I have sacrifices to make also: instead of staying in bed on my days off, I get up to fix his lunch and lay out his clothes.  I remember to ask his opinion on things that I would normally decide on my own.  And my behind is still bruised after a good long maintenance session last weekend.  But these things are pretty minor, all things that I should be doing anyway as a loving wife and partner.  As for my sore behind, well, I gain so much from my spankings that the soreness doesn't mean anything.